Suffering in Silence

Sitting in my three-season porch in a zoom meeting, my cell phone rings just before 4 pm. Noticing the name, Patrick, I quickly pick up the phone. Patrick rarely calls, I think to myself this is odd. I tell Patrick I am in a meeting but can talk later. He immediately asks when, I tell him 4:30 pm should be good. Finishing my meeting trying not to think about what Patrick wants, but it is a struggle. At exactly 4:30 pm my phone rings, it’s Patrick. Hey, how are you, I ask? Ok is all I get. For the next ten minutes, I fill Patrick in on what is going on with me.

I ask again, what’s up? I hear a crack in Patrick’s voice, Stacey and I are taking a break from each other. I am so sorry, when did this happen, two weeks ago, he says? My heart broke for Patrick, he is a kind, caring, and sensitive man, who rarely shows his true feelings. I hear another crack in his voice and then a full sob that starts his release of sadness. It’s been a month; I couldn’t tell anyone. I felt horrible for Patrick carrying around the heavy weight of sadness in his heart for so long. I listen attentively and console the best that I know how even though there is nothing I can say to take away his pain. I tell Patrick, please reach out to me anytime, don’t feel that you can’t talk to me, I am here for you. I tell him how important it is to be able to talk with someone even if it isn’t me.

That evening my thoughts wander to how difficult it must be for men in our society. As boys, they are told that men don’t cry and to suck it up. They grow up believing that they should keep their feelings locked deep inside, suffering in silence.  Men are supposed to be strong and stoic, not a wimp, as society would label a man who shows his sensitive side. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many problems in society if men were allowed to be their authentic selves, tears and all.

Women have each other to turn to in times of sadness and are not afraid to shed a few therapeutic tears. Who do men have to turn to if they don’t have a partner and even if they do, are they comfortable enough in their own skin to shed those tears that will help alleviate some of the pain?