Four weeks ago, I headed to Vermont for a casual hike on the Weathersfield Trail. As I pulled into the lot, I knew it was going to be a quiet hike since I was the fourth car in the lot. This is just what I needed for the day, solitude. Changing into my hiking boots, I readied my backpack, locked my car door, and headed for the trail.

I was not ten minutes into the trail when I saw another woman descending toward me. I gave her a smile as she got closer and said what a beautiful morning for a hike. Stopping, she responded by saying that it was a bit warmer than she would like but was happy to be on the trail again. She told me that she had knee surgery not too long ago and was working towards building her stamina and getting her weight back in check. Little did I know this was the beginning of a forty-five-minute soul-touching conversation.

Janet introduced herself and told me that she comes to the mountain three times a week. This is where she replenishes her mind and builds her strength, pushing herself a little further each time. She told me how she lost over one hundred pounds through hiking and making healthier choices with food. I agreed that the trail is a perfect place to heal the mind and body and challenge yourself not only physically but also mentally. Through the years spent in nature, I have come to realize how nature has a way of making all who enter the woods feel at home and comforted. There is a sense of empowerment when you are on the trail, a feeling that you can achieve anything, superwoman powers. On the trial, there is no judgment, Janet knew this and felt comfortable enough that day to open- up and share her life story with me.

Janet told me that she is a sixty-year-old transgender; she did not have to but felt at ease with me enough that she wanted to share her story and I was honored. I intently listened as Janet told me that she knew her entire life that she was a woman within a man’s body but could not do anything about it until six years ago. I felt my heart crack with the pain of Janet suffering needlessly for all those years. I imagined her trapped within her body, screaming in silence to escape, but no one could hear her.

Janet went on to tell me that is also a veteran and volunteers through a local veteran’s organization, she uses her experience to help other veterans in need of support. I could hear the passion in her voice and the desire to make a difference in veterans’ lives. She asked if she could give me a card for the organization and I said yes, but she said they were in her car. I told her to leave the card on my windshield and that I would share the information with any veterans that I know or come across that need support. Just when I thought Janet was finished telling me her life story, she told me something that brought tears to my eyes.

Janet told me that she had been sexually abused as a child but through therapy and nature, she has been healing. Janet’s story inspired me, how someone can go through so much trauma yet still have so much hope and strength. Nature plays a BIG part in Janet’s healing, and it shows. Janet not only helps support veterans, but she is a foster mom for a now eighteen-year-old boy, whose parents were drug addicts. He has been a challenge Janet said, but she has seen a lot of positive changes in his life. I see the love in Janet’s eyes, she cares deeply for her foster son and is a committed loving foster mom. I could no longer hold back the tears as they filled my eyes with Janet’s life story for it has touched the core of my soul.

Janet and I finished our conversation talking about the healing energy in nature and how the energy from the trail flows through our veins, reigniting hope, inspiration, and vitality. We shook hands and said our goodbyes, Janet walking down the trail and I heading to the summit. It was a Forest Gump moment that I will not forget. When I reached my car, there was the card waiting for me tucked on my driver’s side window waiting for me to spread the word of hope.

Last weekend I spent four days in a small community in the Catskills called Fleischmanns. The town is less than a mile long with roughly 300+ in population.

When I drove down the main street, searching for my B & B, I thought to myself, what the heck did I get myself into. The town looked almost abandoned with old buildings that had been vacated. Yet the sidewalks were filled with people, I could not figure it out.

After checking into my room, I went for a stroll down the main street. I could sense in my body, there was something more than meets the eye here. I spotted a small café and headed over, but the owners were closing for the day. They didn’t rush off as I expected them to do but stopped and conversed with me about their homemade breads and various types of tea that they sell and said, to stop by tomorrow. I went over to one of the two markets in town, one was Kosher and the other your typical market you would find in a small town. The cashier was very friendly and talkative. In my town, you are lucky if the cashier says hello or thank you.

There were beautiful grand homes that needed a little TLC. One home was being restored to its original grandeur. My friend and I were staring at the home as we walked by, a woman noticed our interest and invited us in for a first-floor view. We both were stunned at the invitation but took her up on the offer. She told us her son and daughter in-law owned the home and had moved from Manhattan. What a shock to their system or a breath of fresh air moving to Fleischmanns. I couldn’t help staring at the intricate details in the woodwork, it was indescribable. There was furniture that had been left behind from the previous owners, which I could tell were antiques. The kitchen with the tiny staircase almost hidden in the corner for the servants, I could almost picture the bustling household as it once was. The home was large, we were told it had eight bedrooms and seven bathrooms, not to mention the grand dining and living room.

The town of Fleischmanns was growing on me. There isn’t much to it, but perhaps that is what I liked, quaint and simple, not to mention the kindness of the locals.

Sitting on the porch of my B & B, I met some of the other patrons and learned a little bit history about Fleischmanns, I was fascinated. Waking up early the next day, I grabbed a tea and headed to the porch to relax. I started conversing with another woman, Eileen while we both drank our tea. She asked what I did for work, and I told her that I was a health coach, focusing on nature as a healing tool. Eileen started telling me her life story. She met her husband when they both were ski instructors. He was adventurous for life and Eileen followed his journey, enjoying every moment. She said, she has had a great life and still does. I could see by the endless smile on her face how much she enjoys life.

Sitting on the porch those four days and watching people walk by reminded me of simpler times when people intentionally slowed down and enjoyed life. Now we are all rushing around, our eyes glued to screens. We cannot even walk down the street without looking at our phones. Always worrying about not having enough time. Yet, we don’t make time for ourselves a priority.

We can make a conscious choice to slow down and take time for ourselves on a regular basis. When we slow down, we realize what we are missing in our lives, joy, and happiness. Take the time and invest in your self-care and rediscover who you are. Life isn’t a race; it’s meant to be enjoyed.

All I heard when I was younger was to wait until you are older, and you will have the freedom to do what you please. I found some of that freedom when I passed my driving test and was able to go places on my own, not being chauffeured by my parents. Eighteen was the BIG day, I was now considered an adult and my parents couldn’t tell me what to do, well they still tried. Throughout life, we wait for these momentous occasions, our minds filled with endless possibilities.

Now that I am in my fifties, all I hear from people is what I shouldn’t do. You better be careful climbing that mountain, you could get hurt. If you get injured your done, you should tone it down, you know you are not getting younger. Really, I am doing what fulfills me. I believe people limit themselves by their age. Holding back the possibilities of growth and fulfillment by restricting themselves out of fear.

I have never felt more alive in my life then when I turned fifty. The years keep getting better as I push myself to experience new things.

The flame has not been dimmed unless you allow it. I know I have waited for years to finally find my confidence, passion, and higher purpose, allowing me to be confident in my new adventures. Age is not the reason to stop pushing yourself and finding that fulfillment in life. I say seize the moment, forget about what might happen and believe in the possibilities. Refuse to allow a number to stop you in your tracks, push forward with excitement and not limitations.

You have a choice, to let your age hold you back or to push forward, taking one step at a time to continue to grow and learn something new about yourself. As humans, we are capable of so much more than we believe. There is still so much more to learn and experience. Now is the time to forget about your age and continue growing into that person that you have been waiting to show the world.

Looking out the window of my sun-filled mudroom, staring at my snow- and ice-covered car, which hasn’t gone anywhere in the past two days, I wondered what the temperature was outside. Asking Alexa, she informed me in that sweet voice of hers that it was a sunny 11 degrees. I hadn’t hiked Mt. Monadnock since Martin Luther King Day and was in desperate need of a good hike. I grabbed my car keys off my Black Dog key holder and was going to get to work warming my car and clearing the snow and ice.

I reached for the driver’s door handle, but it wouldn’t budge. I tried using both hands pulling repeatedly. I was worried about my aggressive pulling that I would break the handle, so I gave up. I tried the other three doors without any luck. Of all the days, when I really needed a good hike, I thought this is my luck, I can’t even open my car door.

I grabbed the ice scraper from my mudroom and started brushing the snow off the car since the ice seemed to be a half-inch thick and wasn’t removable without some heat source. I decided to make one more attempt, I lightly pounded around the car door and after a few minutes, the door opened, finally success. I started the car and after a good fifteen minutes of the defroster on high, the ice finally started coming loose.

I went to collect all my hiking paraphernalia and put it on the mudroom floor. I filled my thermos with water and took a protein bar for some energy before I reached the mountain. I put my boots, hat, and coat on and got into my car. As I was driving to the mountain the sun was shining brightly and I needed my sunglasses before the sun blinded me. I thought to myself this was going to be a nice relaxing hike alone. I usually go with my hiking partner, but today, I needed the alone time to clear my thoughts and connect with my inner self.

I pulled into the parking lot and as I opened the door, I could feel and hear the roaring wind. I knew what I felt was going to be much worse the closer I reached the peak, but I didn’t care, I was just happy to be here, cold wind and all. I put my Hillsound trail spikes on, prepared for the ice-covered rocks that I would encounter. I started on the White Dot trail as I often do, not many on the trail today, it was nice. I ran into my hiking partner, Jay and he said, hey buddy, I’ll join you, but I paused as I looked at him, he knew I wanted my alone time. I felt a little guilty, so I told him to join me on his way back up the mountain. I ran into three other regulars a few minutes later along with one of the young rangers. The way they were lined up on each side of the trail, I felt like I was on the red carpet. I talked for a few minutes and then headed on my way. Being as cold as it was, I didn’t want to stay in one spot too long.

As I continued my hike, I realized that Jay never came back. I felt good knowing I had the time to myself and appreciated that he was respectful of my wishes.

Once I reached the half- waypoint and the cliffs soon appeared, I couldn’t help but stop and take photos of the ice-covered trees glistening from the sun shining upon them. The water that had run off the jetted rocks from the trail, was frozen in time. It was magical and I was so appreciative of the beauty that surrounded me that day. As I trudged on, I kept noticing small details of beauty. Looking at a Krummholz tree, completely covered in ice and unmovable, it took my breath away. I took a photo with my phone, but the photo didn’t do the tree justice for the beautiful- sculptured artwork it was.

I reached the wind-swept peak, feeling my cheeks being scraped like sandpaper from the wind. I took a minute and said my blessings to the Universe as I always do. I tried to take a couple of photos before leaving the top, but my phone was dead from the cold.

I was thankful the car door opened and ever so thankful for my glorious hike that day. I often hike Mt. Monadnock but do not appreciate the sheer beauty as often as I should. Not merely because of her beauty, but what she gives back to me. I feel complete, connected with my true self. She helps me connect deep within my soul, feeling pure love, happiness, and joy. The day will be frozen in time and when I look back, I will be reminded to see the beauty in every day and remember to be happy is to be your true self.

Coming off a restricted diet from my competition, I felt like I had been freed. The shackles had been removed and I became a wild creature within. The freedom began the very night that my competition finished. I ordered a brick oven margarita pizza and sat in bed in the hotel room eating while watching television. As I took a bite of each thin slice, it seemed to slide down so smoothly that it disappeared within minutes. Later that evening I woke up several times during the night due to leg cramps from dehydration and hours of wearing five-inch heels. As I tossed the covers from my body, I felt a small bag next to me, it was the bag of Starburst that were leftover from the show. I took one and unwrapped it, throwing the wrapper on the floor. As I put the tiny pink square watermelon flavored piece into my mouth, it melted as the pure sugar hit my salivating mouth. I reached in and grabbed another piece and continued until all the sugary goodness was gone. When I woke up in the morning and swung out of bed putting my feet on the floor, I stepped on the multitude of wrappers now lying under my feet from my Starburst frenzy the night before.

 Before I left the hotel for my 1.5-hour drive home, I wanted to enjoy a hot cup of tea and my favorite meal of the day, breakfast. As I scanned the buffet filled with sausage, ham, bacon, scrambled eggs, French toast, cereals, toast, bagels, fruit, and mini pastry, I didn’t know if I wanted to pay the twenty-five dollars that they were charging since I wouldn’t be eating any of the meat, but I was dying for a nice breakfast and would have paid fifty dollars that morning. I chose a seat in a comfy dimmed lighted booth. My waitress was kind enough to point out that I could order an omelet and have the buffet too for the same twenty-five dollars, I was sold. I overindulged but enjoyed every morsel.

As I drove down route I-190 in Worcester, I had to stop at my favorite bakery Gerardo’s for a slice of heaven, carrot cake. It was my birthday after all, and I deserved to celebrate with a large, thickly frosted piece of cake. As I drove home, I imagined how good that slice staring up at me from the passenger seat was going to taste. As I pulled up to my house, I brought all my belongings into the mudroom but saved the best for last, the box of deliciousness. I put the kettle on so I could enjoy a hot cup of tea with my cake. I sat at the kitchen table and took my first bite. Well before my tea had been drunk, I ate the entire slice of cake. It was gone so fast; I don’t even remember how good it tasted.

The next day, I had to go to Leominster to drop off the bikini that I had rented for the competition. I felt the urge for a bag of peanut M&M’s. Knowing I was going to pass by Hannaford, I decided to stop and satisfy my fix. As I walked in the store searching for a large bag of M&M’s because a one serving size was not going to do it. I found what I was looking for, just beyond the produce isle. Now I had to decide, was it going to be the 10 oz bag or the 19.2 oz family pack? Thank goodness, I only chose the 10 oz bag. Before I started the car to head home, I tore the bag open, just enough to be able to drive and reach in the bag for a handful. As I drove the thirty minutes home, I kept reaching in the bag, popping the M&M’s furiously. Before I even had finished chewing one, I reached in the bag and filled my mouth with another. The bag was empty before I reached my house.

The eating frenzy was on and off for a month. Until one evening while I was sitting down with Mika, one of my dogs watching a movie. I wanted to eat something, not because I was hungry, but out of boredom. I went upstairs and had my go-to almond butter and Trappist blueberry preserve on Ezekiel bread. I toasted the bread and took two tablespoons of almond butter and spread it on the warmed toast, watching it melt and adding a heaping tablespoon or more of preserve on top. I sat down with Mika, who was begging me for a bite. I gave in, giving her a tiny slice of bread. As I engulfed the sandwich, something clicked in my mind, and I realized I ate so fast that I didn’t enjoy the sandwich. I didn’t take the time to notice the taste of the creamy almond butter, blueberry preserve, and warm bread. I was mindlessly eating as I had been doing for the past month.

I had formed a new habit of mindlessly eating. Instead of enjoying and noticing the taste, smell, texture, and sight of the foods I had been eating, I was mindlessly engulfing my food. Now aware of what I had been doing, I had to regroup and reverse my newly formed habit. My first step was to try to slow down and enjoy each bite of food, this is still a work in progress. The second was to notice if I was truly enjoying my meal or was I just filling a need. The third was to be consistent with my morning meditation and breathing, which does wonders for mindset.

Mindless eating happens for a reason. The answers to the why either come through an epiphany or a realization. Once you know the reason, the journey to reverse the mindlessness can begin.

I arrive at the Marriott in downtown Providence, Rhode Island at noon on Friday, November 26th, plenty of time before my 12:30 pm tanning appointment or so I thought. A line is already formed with all the other competitors checking into their rooms. I am fourth in line and getting nervous if I am going to be late for my appointment. It’s my turn, check-in was quick and I rushed up to my room on the fourth floor pulling the cart with my evening gown, cocktail dress, shoes, and a small suitcase. I open the door to my room, very nice, holding the door with my foot, I grab the items off the cart and throw them on the floor. Grabbing the dresses, I hang them up quickly and jump back onto the elevator to the main floor to ask for directions to where they are doing the tanning. Only five minutes late, I check-in and wait another five minutes until the woman who looks younger than my twenty-six-year-old daughter tells me to strip down and get into the three-sided tent. She tells me the tanning spray is going to be cold and she was right. No time for being shy at this point, buck naked and having to bend and lean every which way as to get the tanning solution in every crevice. The woman calls over another girl and tells her, see how light-skinned she is, she probably will need at least two to three coats. I jokingly say, do you mean twenty-three coats? As I am getting my tan on, I can’t help but notice the woman in the other tent drying herself with a special drier for the tanning lotion. She has had breast implants and possibly glute implants as well. As I look down at my sagging, vanishing breasts that I have lost over the last three -weeks along with twelve pounds that I did not need to lose, I think this woman has never seen breasts the size of cupcakes. It’s my turn to air dry my body, as I am busy getting every inch dry as possible, another woman occupies the tent next to me. She too has breast implants, oh well, this is the all-natural me besides a tan.

Tonight is registration night, I have a beautiful plum one-shoulder cocktail dress by Jay Godfrey that my daughter found on Threads Up for ten dollars, with tags, still attached, can’t beat the price. The dress fits like a glove, I have four-inch tan sandals with a strap that clips behind my ankle. I wear the WBFF approved earrings, ring, and bracelet to add a little bling to the dress. I head to the bottom floor of the hotel where the registration and information session is taking place. As I am riding the elevator, I am excited and nervous all at the same time, not knowing what to expect and how the other women will be. As I walk into the room, it is filled, only a small row of chairs is available in the last row. I take a seat by myself but notice one seat much closer to the front that looks empty. I go up and ask the women if the seat is vacant and they say yes. I sat there listening to the three women, who clearly know each other well. Am I the only loner here, it appears so? I ask the woman next to me if this is her first competition and she said no. She reciprocates and asks me the same question, yes, I said.  We receive our number, and I am excited because I got number one-hundred-twenty-eight, tomorrow the twenty-eighth I would be celebrating my fifty-fifth birthday.

Music starts to play, and a gentleman walks into the room and starts to get all of us hyped up and excited about the competition. We are told that the audience wants a show, it is a competition to us, but a show for them. A former WBFF Pro shows us inappropriate poses that are not allowed and gives substitutions for those that were planning on using these poses. I’ll use the name Rick for the gentleman who goes on to tell us how it took him several attempts before he won his first competition and now, he is working for WBFF, and we too could have possible job opportunities. Rick tells us how exciting it is to travel the world for the shows. Everyone seems in awe.

As I listen, I start to feel like an outsider. I am here to compete against myself, to show that no matter your age, you can do anything. Age is an excuse due to fear and self-doubt, afraid of failure. My ears listening attentively, I now see that this is nothing more than a business and of course, they want you to come back and compete again, competing in a show is not cheap by any means. I head back to my room and call a friend and tell him about registration and how I felt like I didn’t belong. I belong as far as the competition because I have trained hard and prepared aggressively for the past three months, but I am not here to compete against the other women, I want to inspire other women. I got ready to lay in the comfy bed to watch a little television before turning out the lights. I don’t know what was more exciting at this point, being away for the weekend or getting ready to compete. I say this because I hadn’t been away since 2020 when Covid took over our lives, and I was desperate for an escape from reality even if it was by myself and just for a weekend.  

My morning wake-up call came at 8 am, I was up and ready to go just before the phone rang. I had a 9 am hair and makeup appointment, I ate my two egg whites and six pieces of asparagus before heading down. I was excited to get my makeup done by a professional, would I wondered if I would look glamorous. I had the hairdresser straighten my hair and then made my way over to Kelley for my makeup. I showed her a picture of the bikini I was going to wear and asked her to do what she thought would look best. Another woman who was sitting next to me looked over and said that my makeup looked great. I was excited about the grand unveiling, Kelley put the extra-large square mirror in front of me, and there I was. What, is this really me, it doesn’t even look like me. I have never worn fake eyelashes in my life and the amount of makeup was overwhelming, I even had it in my ears. I had Kelley take a picture of me and when I got back to my room, I looked at the photo. What I saw was a frail woman with a shit load of makeup and almost pin-straight hair. I hadn’t realized how thin I had gotten until I saw myself in the photo, I was stunned.

The day was long waiting until 3 pm when all the competitors had to meet in the grand ballroom to be shown how we were supposed to walk and wave while on stage. Rick was there again with blaring music instructing us which arm to use when waving and that we were to smile the entire time while on stage during the show. This was going to be challenging since I don’t wear a permanent smile on my face, only when I am laughing or happy about something. Forty-five minutes later all the women head down to a large room on the bottom floor to change into our bikinis for the show.

All of us stripping down and scrambling for any last-minute adjustments or help getting dressed. I am in a bit of a panic because I have lost so much of my chest area that my left breast doesn’t want to stay in the bikini top. I take drastic measures and duct tape my left breast so I don’t have to worry about a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, at fifty-five this would not be pretty. I am feeling good and ready to get on stage. We all head upstairs into a room next to the ballroom with a door leading to the stage. It’s my turn, age forty and up category line up. I am third in line just glad I am not the first one to go out. I walk over to the three stairs that I have to climb with the five-inch heels that I am wearing. I grab ahold of the wobbly railing and walk onto the stage. I do my poses in the three areas with a huge smile the entire time, I thought my face was frozen as if I were given an injection of Botox. I line up in the back once I am done and the other women keep coming on stage for their turn. We are now all lined up roughly fourteen of us. We all take a couple of steps forward onto the gray duct tape line. Rick tells us to turn to the right, then turn with our back facing the audience, turn back to the front, the entire time doing a different pose. Showing your physique or best asset for the judges. Finally, we are done and can walk off the stage.

Rushing downstairs to get changed into our evening gowns. I need some sugar, I have Starburst and start to pop them into my mouth as if I hadn’t eaten in hours, oh wait, I hadn’t. It felt good to get the heels off my feet even if it is just for a short period of time. As everyone is rushing around, we are told to hurry up and get back upstairs. Ten minutes later, we are back in the same room, but this time we sit around for forty-five minutes. Many of the ladies sit on the floor and take their shoes off. I decided to take my shoes off too, I am done, I just want to go back to my room order a pizza, and lay in bed and watch television. While waiting around I started talking with one of the other women and asked if she would do another competition. She said yes and I told her that I looked forward to gaining ten to fifteen pounds back. That is not what she told me, she wanted to maintain where she was.

Looking around the room, I am thinking that these women must be confident to go on stage, yet I question, are they really that confident? Do they need to get breast implants, Botox lips, and make other adjustments to their bodies just to feel good about themselves? I feel sad for the ones that feel that this is what they must do to be in the competition and/or feel confident.

We finally were called to go back on stage in our evening gowns, it was quick only two poses and then they chose who the winners were. I was not among the chosen, but I was a winner already because I came and proved my point that age doesn’t matter. I felt good about preparing for the competition and learned a great deal along the way. This was a huge mindset and physical challenge that I won.

I did get my marinara brick oven pizza at 9 pm, took a hot shower, scrubbed all the makeup off, put my pj’s on, and watched television with the large pizza sitting on my lap. The next morning it was good to look like me once again with minimal makeup, a pair of jeans, and a comfortable shirt. I decided to have breakfast at the hotel, I ordered an omelet then headed to the buffet where I ate two pieces of French toast, home fries, two pieces of toast with jelly, and a cup of fruit. I was making up for lost time on my eating. While I was sitting there, one of the young women, twenty-something who competed in the show was with her father and sister. She turned to me as her mother walked over to them and said excitedly, you inspired my mother. Her mother said she could never have as much confidence as I had on that stage, I responded by saying that if I could do it, anyone can. That simple word from the woman’s mouth inspired me was what made my entire weekend. I came to inspire other women and I did just that.

These past two weeks have been the most physically and mentally challenging weeks of my life. At the age of fifty-four (fifty-five the day after the show), I am training for a fitness competition. Working out seven days a week while cutting my calories in half. Feeling the fatigue on my body and mindset. I push through every workout, taking one day at a time.

Before starting these last weeks, my major concern was that I would not be able to control myself from all the yummy foods that I love. My deepest fear was that I would get derailed when I saw a piece of cake and would break down and devour it, like Cookie Monster, shoving multiple cookies into his mouth.

I was in the office the first week that I started on the strict eating plan, my coworker walked by with her lunch, I could smell the aroma of the chili as it spread through the air. I imagined I had a spoonful of the sweet, spicy chili with gooey cheese, my taste buds were in heaven. Looking down at my fork, my yumminess would be my five ounces of haddock, half a cup of broccoli, and two tablespoons of avocado. Later that afternoon, I heard popping and the microwave door open, a strong whiff of buttery popcorn was lingering around the office, a heavenly scent. There is no escape I thought. Was I going to make it through the first week, never mind three full weeks?

 I signed up for the competition the first week of my new eating regiment and I thought, no turning back now. I paid a hefty amount for the entrance fee, my evening gown was being picked up in a couple of weeks, and my rental bikini had already been paid. I was in this for the long hall, no matter how rough it possibly could get. And did the first week prove to be a challenge as images of carrot cake, (my favorite cake), peanut M & M’s, veggie pizza, and French toast with lots of sweet syrup running off the sides of the bread would come in waves through my mind.

By week two, I felt mentally stronger because I wanted this goal, and nothing was going to stop me from achieving it. I didn’t crave the mouthwatering foods that I had thought about the first week. It was more of a knowing that I couldn’t eat the forbidden foods that were the challenge. My workouts became more grueling due to my low-calorie intake. I had to keep pushing through even though my legs were fatigued and my arms felt like they wanted to fall off. One day when I was on the Stairmaster, my legs were exhausted. I thought, how can I get the strength to keep going with fifteen more minutes to go. The devil within, my subconscious started its vicious commenting, telling me just quit, it’s only fifteen minutes, no one will know. Got to love that subconscious mind, always there to push you off track, never supportive.

 As week two came to a close, I realized what I knew all along, that one’s mindset can make or break you. Everything we do in life, our subconscious mind plays it’s never-ending games, trying to knock us off course by tying us to all that could go wrong. It’s like poisonous arrows being thrown at us full of self-doubt and fear.

Taking one day at a time instead of looking out at the long road ahead. I broke down each day, making the process appear to be easier and it changed my mindset into thinking, only two more Mondays, only one more Sunday to workout. I won this round and broke my subconscious mind’s deliberate actions to not allow me to succeed in my goal. I took back what has always belonged to me and that is myself deciding to move out of my comfort zone and challenge myself physically and mentally.

Ingredients

 ¼ cup honey

2 Tbsp. rice vinegar

2 Tbsp. soy sauce

1 Tbsp. Asian chili-garlic sauce

1 ½ tsp. grated garlic (3 cloves)

1 tsp. cornstarch

3 Tbsp. canola oil, divided

1 5 oz. pkg. sliced fresh shiitake mushrooms (3 cups)

3 heads baby Bok choy, sliced (4 cups)

1 lb. peeled, deveined extra-large raw shrimp, patted dry

1 8 oz. pkg. rice stick noodles soaked according to pkg.

Directions

Whisk – honey, vinegar, soy sauce, chili-garlic sauce, garlic, and cornstarch in a small bowl.

 Heat – 2 tablespoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add mushrooms; cook, stirring occasionally until lightly browned, about 6 minutes. Add Bok choy; cook, stirring often, until crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Transfer mushroom mixture to a medium bowl.

 Heat – remaining 1 tablespoon oil over medium-high. Add shrimp; cook, flipping occasionally, until just opaque in centers, 2 to 3 minutes. Add honey mixture and soaked ad drained noodles to skillet. Cook, stirring constantly until sauce is thickened, and noodles are coated in sauce, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in mushroom mixture.

Real Simple Magazine

While I was driving last week listening to NPR’s discussion about Facebook and Instagram and the negative effects the social media platforms have on children, I thought yes, I can absolutely see how children can be affected. However, my mind quickly turned to adults and how they get sucked into the superficial world. We are grown adults, we know that everything we see isn’t necessarily reality, yet we get caught up in the visions being portrayed of beautiful people living these wonderful lives.

We question our own lives and wonder why we aren’t as happy as those on social media platforms. This reminds me of the magazines at the checkout counter, viewing the front cover with a celebrity all glammed up and on vacation in the Riviera. Our own existence comes into question. What am I doing wrong that I don’t have a better life? If I only had a better career and made more money, all would be well, or would it?

Beauty, money, and power don’t make you happy. We are all unique individuals and our vision of happiness is different, so why do we look to others to find our own happiness? We think that these people have the secret to living a happy fulfilled life, but they don’t. They are struggling just as you may be to find that secret key to unlock your happiness.

Look no further because all you need is to be still, have some alone time and feel what is deep in your soul to find what truly makes you happy. I know this sounds absurd, but it is true and works. The more alone time that you give yourself, the more you will connect with your inner self and find what you need in life to be happy. You don’t need all the material clutter in your life that weighs you down to make you feel good? If you are looking for the material world to make you happy, you will only find temporary happiness. Sit with yourself and write down everything that brought you happiness as a child and now do the same as an adult. When you look back at your childhood, your list most likely has simple happy memories. As an adult, I wouldn’t be surprised if your list is very similar.

Stop looking at others’ lives and wishing that you had a different one. You can create your own happiness that will fill your life with joy. Be your authentic self and watch your life flourish.

Ingredients

• 1 center-cut, nitrate-free bacon strip

• 1 large egg

• 3 tablespoons canned black beans, rinsed and drained

• 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

• 1 pinch salt

• 1 pinch pepper

• 1/2 jalapeno, seeds and stem discarded, thinly sliced

• 1 (8-inch/20-cm) sprouted whole-grain tortilla

• 3 tablespoons grated cheddar cheese

• 1/4 cup (10g) baby arugula

Directions

Put the bacon in a large nonstick skillet and cook over medium heat until crisp, about 6 minutes. Blot bacon with a paper towel, chop and set aside.

Wipe out the pan and return it to medium heat. Add the egg, beans, cumin, salt, and pepper, and cook, scrambling the egg and stirring everything with a rubber spatula until the egg is just set for 2 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

Spritz the pan with cooking spray and place the tortilla in the pan. Sprinkle evenly with the cheese. Spread the bacon, egg mixture, and arugula evenly over the half of the tortilla closest to you. Cook until the cheese has melted, about 2 minutes. Add the jalapeno, if desired. Fold quesadilla in half and transfer it to a cutting board. Cut into 3 wedges and serve.

MyFitnessPal

Sitting in my three-season porch in a zoom meeting, my cell phone rings just before 4 pm. Noticing the name, Patrick, I quickly pick up the phone. Patrick rarely calls, I think to myself this is odd. I tell Patrick I am in a meeting but can talk later. He immediately asks when, I tell him 4:30 pm should be good. Finishing my meeting trying not to think about what Patrick wants, but it is a struggle. At exactly 4:30 pm my phone rings, it’s Patrick. Hey, how are you, I ask? Ok is all I get. For the next ten minutes, I fill Patrick in on what is going on with me.

I ask again, what’s up? I hear a crack in Patrick’s voice, Stacey and I are taking a break from each other. I am so sorry, when did this happen, two weeks ago, he says? My heart broke for Patrick, he is a kind, caring, and sensitive man, who rarely shows his true feelings. I hear another crack in his voice and then a full sob that starts his release of sadness. It’s been a month; I couldn’t tell anyone. I felt horrible for Patrick carrying around the heavy weight of sadness in his heart for so long. I listen attentively and console the best that I know how even though there is nothing I can say to take away his pain. I tell Patrick, please reach out to me anytime, don’t feel that you can’t talk to me, I am here for you. I tell him how important it is to be able to talk with someone even if it isn’t me.

That evening my thoughts wander to how difficult it must be for men in our society. As boys, they are told that men don’t cry and to suck it up. They grow up believing that they should keep their feelings locked deep inside, suffering in silence.  Men are supposed to be strong and stoic, not a wimp, as society would label a man who shows his sensitive side. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many problems in society if men were allowed to be their authentic selves, tears and all.

Women have each other to turn to in times of sadness and are not afraid to shed a few therapeutic tears. Who do men have to turn to if they don’t have a partner and even if they do, are they comfortable enough in their own skin to shed those tears that will help alleviate some of the pain?

I would describe myself as someone who is full of hope, inspiration, and motivation on a consistent basis. On occasion though, my subconscious negative thoughts creep in through the tiny cracks of positivity, like weeds that deliberately work their way into any available crevice taking hold of the healthy plants and chocking them out.

This past week was one of those rare times that the weeds of negativity were sprouting up in every thought I had. I fended off these thoughts well until Friday when the weeds took over and suffocated my positive mindset. All-day I battled with my subconscious, like two boxers, battling blow-by-blow until one of the opponents is knocked out cold. This is how I felt, stuck in a match between my negative subconscious and conscious mind. Four o’clock couldn’t come soon enough when I was able to head to the gym for a good workout. I had my mental boxing gloves on, ready to work through my negative thoughts. The hour and a half of lifting did help immensely, but after dinner that night, there it was again, the vortex of negative thoughts.

I realized that this was going to take my resourceful tools of mindfulness to completely rid these thoughts. It was now 7:05 pm, I went into my three-season porch, surrounded by six large windows looking out at the tranquil woods. I lit my candle and sat in my comfortable chair with the multi-colored cushion, allowing my body to sink deeply and softly into oblivion. Barefooted, I planted my feet on the cool floor, imagining roots growing from the bottom of my feet. Closing my eyes, the roots went deep into the earth and sprouted positivity within. I felt calm as I meditated, allowing my mind to think of nothing, but the roots growing from my feet. Feeling a quieted mind, I chose to head to bed early to keep the sense flowing throughout the night.

In the middle of the night, I was abruptly woken by my cat and with that once again came a flood of negativity. It was as if the Hoover Dam had been released at full force causing destruction in its path. The battleground was drawn, and I wasn’t going down without a fight. Reiki was the next trick that I would pull from my box of mindfulness techniques.

I laid in bed and placed my hands on my Crown Chakra and slowly worked my way down to my Root Chakra. Feeling the strong energy flowing, mainly in my Sacral and Solar Plexus. When I finished, I felt completely relaxed and dozed off. Waking with the morning sun shining on me, I felt the light of positivity flowing again through my mind and body, knowing that anything and everything was once again possible.

As children, we are continuously asking questions, eager to learn, and wanting to know why most when we are told no. We are great at communicating our feelings and making sure we are heard loud and clear especially when unhappy.

So, why as adults, have lost our learned techniques of expressing our feelings? It is as if we have lost our voice, forgetting how to form our thoughts, and translate them into words. When we do not express our feelings, they churn deep within us, swirling around grabbing hold of negative thoughts, which can possibly cause anger within. This newly built-up anger can contribute to undue stress, which can affect our health.

A healthy relationship needs to include regular communication. Not, the typical question, how was your day, followed by fine. It is more than just a daily blanket question. It is about talking to your partner when you are unhappy, excited, troubled, or just need someone to listen in a compassionate manner without giving feedback.

It can be difficult to express your feelings with your partner if there is some part of your relationship that you are unhappy with. Although many times, your partner may have had the same feelings but didn’t want to express them because of possibly hurting you. Being open and honest in a kind manner will help build a strong bond between both you and your partner for years.

By not expressing how you are feeling, your relationship could eventually grow apart. Once this happens, it becomes more difficult to talk openly with one another.

Gather your words carefully and express your feelings in a meaningful way without targeting one another. The first talk may not go as smoothly as you had planned, but the more communication between each other, the easier and smoother discussions will go. Attentively listening to your partner and expressing your feelings, you will realize how much commonality on viewpoints that you probably have. You will gain more respect for one- another and your relationship will flourish.

Ingredients

1 pkg (14oz) extra-firm tofu, drained

¾ tsp salt, divided

½ tsp coarsely ground black pepper, divided

1 small onion

1 can diced fire-roasted tomatoes

2 garlic cloves, pressed

½ oz Parmesan cheese, grated (about 2 tbsp)

½ c panko breadcrumbs

1 tsp Italian seasoning mix

1 egg

2 tbsp olive oil, divided

¼ c shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese

¼ c loosely packed fresh basil leaves

Directions

 Pat tofu dry with paper towels, removing as much moisture as possible. Slice tofu horizontally into eight ½ inch slices. Season tofu with ½ tsp of the salt and ¼ tsp of black pepper.

Finely chop the onion. Combine onion, tomatoes, pressed garlic, remaining ¼ tsp salt, and ¼ tsp black pepper in a small microwavable bowl. Microwave on high for 6 minutes or until heated through. Meanwhile, grate Parmesan cheese. Combine Parmesan cheese, breadcrumbs, and seasoning mix and put in coating dish. Lightly beat egg in second coating dish. Dip each tofu slice into egg and then into bread crumb mixture, coating generously.

Add 1 tbsp of the oil to skillet; heat over medium heat 1 – 3 minutes or until golden brown. Turn tofu over; sprinkle with half of the mozzarella cheese and cook 1 – 2 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from skillet; repeat with remaining oil, tofu, and mozzarella cheese. Thinly slice basil. Serve tofu with sauce and basil

Pampered Chef

If someone told me five years ago you can heal your emotional and physical self through your thought process, I would say you are crazy! Well, here I am to tell you, I am part of the believer’s group!

I have always considered myself to be a positive person, but in reality, I allowed the negative thoughts to hold me back and not allow myself to see who I was truly viewing in the mirror. No longer being held back by the negative thoughts, I have personally experienced healing my emotional and physical self over the years through positive thinking. I no longer compare myself to others and do not allow others’ views to cloud my opinion. Gut issues that I had suffered from for years have dissipated. Letting the eighty percent of re-occurring negative thoughts swirling around in my mind, slip away as quickly as they tried to drown my positive thoughts has catapulted me into a new and happier dimension.

My new dimension is called mindfulness. Mindfulness has helped me unclutter the negative thoughts and listen to my higher self and physical body. I started practicing yoga, meditation, Reiki, Breathwork techniques, immersed myself in nature, and other mindfulness modalities. Mindfulness brings awareness to your inner happiness and allows you to grow on your path to reaching your higher purpose. I am now like a sponge, trying to fill the numerous tiny holes with as much knowledge as possible on emotional and physical healing techniques.

Anyone can start their journey to healing themselves emotionally and physically. Have an open mind to mindfulness and watch the melting away of negative thoughts that have solidified your mind for years.

According to WebMD, thinking positively is linked to a longer life span, lower chance of a heart attack, better physical health, greater resistance to illness, lower blood pressure, better stress management, better pain tolerance, lower blood pressure, more creativity, better problems solving, clearer thinking, better mood, better coping skills, and less depression.

I wake up at 6 am and ready myself for an early workout. I look over my workout routine to familiarize myself with today’s back and triceps lifts. Grabbing my phone, so I can listen to music to motivate me through the routine, I turn on Pandora. I can’t help but notice a few personal and work-related emails. Without hesitation, I first open my personal emails and delete all the junk mail and then move on to the work emails, viewing all ten of them. One would have thought I was scratching the million-dollar ticket, only to find out it was a dud. It is now 6:20 am, fifteen minutes later than I wanted to start my workout. Finishing up my workout, but still checking my emails on my thirty-second breaks in between sets as if waiting for an emergency to happen.

It is now 7:45 am, I turn on my work computer and get ready to start my day in my home office. Surrounded by six double pane windows with the sun streaming in from the morning light, the sound of the trees slightly swaying from the wind, and the birds happily chirping. I feel a sense of calmness and gratitude for my surroundings, which remind me of the release of tension nature has on my soul.

Talking to myself, I say, Nancy remember to disconnect from all electronic devices as often as possible. For if I do not, I will forget how to turn off the switch and my soul will be lost within the digital world. As society grows deeper with the need and dependency of this digital world, I must not forget who I am and stay connected to my inner true self.

Ingredients

·       4 (4-ounce) poblano peppers

·       1 (15 ounces) can low-sodium pinto beans, drained, and divided

·       1-1/3 cups frozen corn, thawed

·       1 cup fresh Pico de Gallo divided

·       ¾ cup shredded Colby Jack cheese, divided

·       ½ tsp coarse kosher salt

Directions

 Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cut each pepper in half lengthwise; scoop out and discard the seeds and membranes. Arrange pepper halves on a microwave-safe plate and cover with damp paper towels. Microwave on high for 5 minutes.

In a medium bowl, mash ½ cup beans with a fork until smooth. Stir in remaining beans, corn, ½ Pico de Gallo, ¼ cup cheese, and salt.

Arrange pepper halves in a 13-by-9inch baking dish. Divide filling evenly among pepper halves, about ¼ cup each. Sprinkle the remaining ½ cup cheese over the top. Bake until cheese melts and filling is heated through, about 20 minutes. Serve with the remaining Pico de Gallo.

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